If You're Grieving, Don't Be Alone in Your Grief

Grieving for a loved one can be a lonely place. It can seem as if no one could ever understand how you are truly feeling. You may believe that no one can appreciate what that person meant to you, or comprehend your relationship with the person who is no longer here.

This is largely true – your relationship with the person you have lost is indeed unique. No one can really understand exactly how you feel because everybody experiences loss differently. But this doesn’t mean you are alone, or that you shouldn’t share your experience.

Often the reason people choose to grieve alone is because they don’t want to make others feel uncomfortable. Crying, breaking down, or showing emotion in front of others can scare some individuals. But these are entirely human and completely natural reactions to loss. What’s more, sharing these moments with others can bring us closer together, as well as being a cathartic process.

To some extent, private mourning is important too. It allows you to soothe your pain and potentially work through some complicated issues. But, too much dwelling and rumination can become unhealthy and isolating. There comes a time when reaching out to others is essential. In fact, there are many benefits to grieving with others rather than alone.

The comfort of human companionship

Humans are social beings and we need this social interaction to fulfil true wellness. By isolating ourselves, not just physically but emotionally, we are denying our natural instinct to build intimate relationships with others.

It may seem hard to reach out at first, but holding back the tears and behaving as if you are coping can be exhausting. When someone asks; “how are you feeling today?” the easy answer would be to tell them you are fine. Instead, try to speak honestly, you may be surprised how much better you feel after letting go.

The validation of a common sorrow

Although the person you are talking to cannot begin to understand the complexities of your relationship with the one you have lost, there is a common sorrow that can be shared. Many people have experienced loss of some kind, and whilst comparison is not beneficial, just knowing the sadness that accompanies grief can be enough. It’s ok to not be ok, especially in front of your closest family and friends.

The physical reassurance of human contact

A good hug is a magical thing. Actually, it’s a chemical thing. When people hug or kiss a loved one, a hormone called oxytocin is released. As well as playing a role in bonding, oxytocin is also an antidote to depressive feelings. You may also be missing the touch of the person who has passed away. And whilst contact from another cannot replace this feeling, it can help you to feel loved.

The sharing of a story

When someone dies, the finality of him or her no longer physically being around can leave a big hole. But, sharing stories of that person keeps them alive, at least in people’s memories. Talk about them often; use their name as if they are in the next room. This will be hard and potentially painful at first, but over time sharing their story with others may come with gentle ease, and hopefully some laughter too.